Please Use Proper Gym Etiquette

As part of my training I use the weight room quite a bit, but unfortunately with my hectic work schedule I usually have to use the local fitness club to do my weight session. Over the years I’ve noticed the need for a code of conduct for gym goers. Tonight I ran into a member that insists on wearing Speedos to lift (I wish I could take a picture) but believe it or not he is not even my concern. So in honor of Mr. Speedos I give you Pascale’s Gym code of Conduct.

-What the heck are you doing, better yet can you go do whatever it is somewhere else? Yes you, the one that picked the middle of the free weight section to bring a jump rope, Bosu ball and 30 pound curl bar to do some semblance of what might be a circuit. Although it’s entertaining for us to see you balance yourself on the ball then jump rope 20 times and use the curl bar to squat, we really don’t like to have to walk all the way around your nonsense to get to the dumbbells, pull bar or anything else that is on the other side of the room.

*Tip: At all gyms there is usually a section in the corner for stretching, abs, and non machine stuff please kindly use that to do your next fitness craze.

-Staring is not welcomed. Yes even at the gym you must follow the age old rule of thumb 1,2,3 look away. I’m flattered really, that you find me squatting, bench pressing, drinking water or anything that I might be doing so fascinating but please share the love and stare at others. Furthermore, when you see me catch you staring at me normally that is a good time to look away or better yet workout, which is after all what you are there for. If you’re so interested in what I’m doing wait till I’m finish and ask, really, I don’t mind as long as it will get you to stop perving on me. Yes I know the gym is the best place to find attractive people, what with all the sweat, wonderful scary and super attractive facial expressions people make while working out who could resist? But you must, fight the urge, all those people won’t disappear at once if you blink or look away.

*Tip: If you can’t resist then may I suggest you pick one of the stationary bikes closest to the exit. There you can stare at anyone and everyone that walks in and out of the gym for as long as you like, bonus you can even watch the TV with all the Spanish telenovelas that have some decent looking people. I know the people on TV don’t look half as good as the ones at the gym but please do us all a favor and try it out.

-You are not the mayor of the gym so leave everyone alone. I get you’re a friendly guy and you feel it’s your duty nay your right to make sure everyone at the gym is enjoying themselves but really dude you don’t even work there. I must have missed the hour on that day when you were elected official mayor of the gym so please excuse me if I’m out of line. When I’m stacking on weights please, please don’t come up to me and ask me if I need a spotter. 1 If I did I wouldn’t ask you, 2 you don’t even know what I’m about to do so step off. Another thing my personal space is about 3 feet if I know you but for you its 10 feet. But the most important thing to note Mr. mayor people that wear headphones don’t want to be disturbed, so go do your campaigning to people that make eye contact and are headphone free.

*Tip: Ever notice how everyone starts to power walk and put their head down when they see? Trust me it’s not them it’s you so your best bet it to go sit in the pool area and join the chatter bugs there.  

-Clean clothing and showers are not optional. Yes, I know you think I’m going to work out why should I shower, or worry about wearing something that didn’t come from the dirty laundry hamper? Well this may be news to you but you are not coming to your own personal gym. This is a COMMUNITY gym and as such you have other people that will probably be working out at the same time you are. It might seem like a waste of water to shower after a long day of work at the construction site just to get sweaty again but we are not facing that much water shortage. Believe me if we took a vote to either have you take a shower or for everyone in the gym to die of thirst unanimously we would sacrifice our lives for you. I’m not a genius but I can guess that the reason you put the clothes in the dirty basket is because they were dirty, so why would you think it putting them back on would be ok, especially since it’s what you wore last time to the gym.

*Tip: Since you seem to love that outfit so much just wash it after your workouts that way it’s clean the next time. We applaud your eco-friendly mindset for conserving water but just on this one issue be selfish, it’s for the greater good of the community. While you’re at it wipe down the machines after you finish.

- Where is your special shirt? Last time I checked the trainers at the gym all wore matching uniforms, so you must have left yours. I appreciate you wanting to help me with tips on what not to do like and what I should do but please don’t waste it on a non paying customer like me. You don’t even know what my goals are but yet you are convinced I should do rows instead of steps ups. Appreciate it but I’m cool, I’ll continue doing the wrong things. Just because you spend 30 minutes at the dumbbell station working on arms and shoulders, it doesn’t mean you’re a certified trainer. From where I’m standing the only advice I would take from you is how to get my neck to disappear into my traps and most importantly how to make my legs as thin as yours, its real slimming.

*Tip: Spend more time getting the rest of your body to pump instead of giving out free advice. We know the front desk is where to go ask for a trainer. You just continue walking around in those tight tank tops and people will come to you asking how you got so big. The best part when they come to you they might be willing to pay for your advice.

-The mirror is to check for correct form.  I sorry to be the one to inform you of this fact but it’s true. You may not have mirrors and all that lighting in your house but there are other ways to check yourself out for an hour. I would be fine with you hogging the mirror but I can’t get visual confirmation for some of my lifts.

*Tip: If you want to stare just go the bathrooms, they also have big mirrors and the lighting is much better there.

-Pool area may look like a private backyard but it’s still a workout area.  Some of you out there really think your membership makes the whole gym your personal hangout but it’s not. First thing before we get to the pool area please be considerate of others with the nudity in the locker rooms. Guys I don’t know how it is for you so I can’t speak on that. But Ladies I get your confident and proud of your body but is it really necessary for you to walk around naked with the towel on your shoulders? Ok maybe the towel is too small or it’s wet or it fell on the floor and it’s dirty then why do you need to blow dry your hair naked? Once we get to the pool area everyone just wants to talk, I risk my iPod getting water damage just so people won’t talk to me. Yes these abs are real, yes I work out a lot and yes I also watch what I eat so no more questions please. Oh if I'm in the cold whirlpool please jump in so you can splash cold water all over me.

*Tip: Nudity in the locker is only acceptable in short intervals, the time it takes to put your under garments on. If you want to just chat please kindly move to the part of the pool that’s not in anyone’s way. The cold whirlpool is not a pool it the whirl at the front of it should have been your clue so absolutely no diving please.

I hope you all found this public service announcement helpful so next time you’re at the gym everyone can have an enjoyable experience.